I had a realization yesterday; it’s not an entirely new one.
I was pondering forgiveness, and how long healing can take, in connection with the time Luke did something that hurt me really badly and we had our biggest fight ever. And I realized that what he did wouldn’t have hurt so bad if i hadn’t already been hurt in a similar place by my parents; if i hadn’t already been so raw, and terrified of abandonment and losing love.
(I storifyed the tweets that led to the realization)
musings on healing from hurt
in which i ponder the time luke really hurt my feelings
He’s dealing with an already broken heart. Everyone who interacts with me is. I have a thousand tender places and I’m used to being hurt, and that’s something that affects every relationship, and non-relationship. It affects every encounter, perhaps.
I wonder sometimes if i was born with a broken heart.
I don’t know what to do about it, except to acknowledge that I *am* a very sensitive person, and to keep that in mind when my feeling are hurt. I think when someone has been emotionally hurt a lot, it’s easier for their brain to travel down the path to hurt feelings. The brain is used to it. I don’t know if I’m right but it makes sense and my therapist suggested something similar once.
Now, i want to be careful not to use this knowledge about myself to gaslight myself, but just to recognize that people may not be used to dealing with someone as prone to getting hurt as myself, to have a little compassion on them even while feeling hurt.