learning to live

here’s a sad and happy story about something loved turning into bondage… and then eventually freedom – go read it:

Learning to Play My Violin . . . Again.

I read this post and although I have never been very musical (despite loving music), I could identify with the story. It made me realize, yet again how much I want to live in confidence and freedom.

I do want to help and love other people, but I want to do it from a place of strength, freedom, and choice, not from a place of shame or obligation.

I want to love things, because I love them, and not because I hope to one day do this or that for money (not that making money is bad…), or to impress people, or to fulfill expectations.

I want to live with the freedom to make mistakes, and the freedom to make my own decisions, and to be my own person, and to love myself.

I’ve lived. I’ve lived out of gratitude to jesus for dying to forgive my sins, I’ve lived out of a desire to go to college, I’ve lived to please my parents, I’ve lived to be pure for my future husband, i’ve lived to be a good wife and mom, I’ve lived to avoid making god ‘sad’ or ‘angry’ with me, I’ve lived to be as perfect as possible, for god, for me, for my family, for everyone watching ‘my witness’…
I’m not sure, though, how much I’ve lived in freedom. I’m not even sure what that would look like, for me. But I’m aiming to find it.

very me

(I am wondering if freedom involves purple hair. i experimented on this one this weekend. I may not keep it up, but I do like it!)

… now, i think i’m going to go fumble around on the guitar, I am teaching myself whenever I feel like it and learning by trial and error.

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